Last show recaps

[Alvin Corleone]

The Card:

Alvin Corleone VS Leslie Hurricane

W02 He's coming... Promo

John D Creamer VS Hiawatha

gangsta G interview

Kiwi Stronghold VS Croatian Badger

X Bomb VS Chris Storms

southernboy VS THE GRIM

gangsta G VS Dionwatts

Arale Beaten Easily

Travis Touchdown VS CandyraiN

Capaio Awert VS D.K Styles

Still not Satisfied

Good O Boy VS X Bomb

Dion calls out gangsta G

gangsta Assaults Dion after match

Unknown Wrestler is Revealed part 1

Arale & CandyRain Untitled

Unknown Man Vs Arale

Unknown Wrestler is Revealed part 2

If you see it, you can easily get lost in the matches and RP's, the amount of matches is so big, the amount of RP is so small... well, I know is not your fault.

But the preparation of the card could be better, and more over, if you know that some RP leads to a match.


First segment:
Match: Alvin Corleone vs Leslie Hurricane
It should never occurred in that show.  And I'm not talking because was my char, but there were a promo that leads the audience to a new wrestler of the company that is pointing "He is coming", if someone saw the show, how is possible that someone that "is coming" had a match.

Second segment:
Promo:
The promo is a video of someone that would appear later on the show, or maybe in other show.  It would create expectation of the audience, but again, the wrestler was put in a match before, the effect of the promo is dismised when later (or the next show) the commentators talk about the promo and the public realized that the video is connected to the given wrestler.  So, one of two, or have the match (the first one), or have the promo, no both.

Third segment:
Match: John D Creamer VS Hiawatha
Nothing to say, maybe this is a filler match (could be the first) as there isn't any build up for that (maybe last show) or just a random match made by the GM.

Fourth segment:
Interview: gangsta G interview
This was so small (to my taste), is trying to hype the match, it could be placed right before Dion's RP, or one match before (to my taste) so the audience had a fresh image on what is happening.

Fifth segment:
Match: Kiwi Stronghold VS Croatian Badger
Another filler match without any build up (as the one before, didn't check the first show to see if there is any storyline about it)

Sixth segment:
Match: X Bomb VS Chris Storms
This is the fourth match in the show and there aren't any comments from the commentators in this and any of the previous matches, there even aren't any commercial breaks.  Also this match hadn't any previous build up.  (If you read carefully the final part of the show, this match would be place there, not here).

Seventh segment:
Match: southernboy VS THE GRIM
Fifth match without a build up (RP).  I consider it as a filler match.

Eighth segment:
Match: gangsta G VS Dionwatts
This match is missplaced in the card, it could be between two RP's that were put later.

Nineth segment:
Parking lot: Arale Beaten Easily
There is a conversation between two roster member, or a NPC.  This is a nice break.  But the tittle doesn't seem to fit with the content of the RP (in my point of view).

Tenth segment:
Match: Travis Touchdown VS CandyraiN
No build up to this squash match, so no comments for me.  Well, my comment seeing the entire card content, is that this match would be placed after Travis' RP, or that before this match, with a little ingredient of the GM calling out the match irritating Travis more.  (More comments at Travis' RP segment)

Eleventh segment:
Match: Capaio Awert VS D.K Styles
No build up, no comments.

Twelfth segment:
Backstage action: Still not Satisfied
One wrestler (Travis Touchdown) is complaining about he crushed his opponent last show,  and he tries to arrange a rematch in this very show (did he forget he had a match early in this show?)  As I can see, it was not the fault of the writer, this RP should be placed before Travis' match, and also the 'In-Air' GM would appear and prepare the match so Travis (the wrestler) can continue with a "they don't give me what I want, they are irrespecting me" angle or storyline.  This RP is missplaced in the card.

Thirteenth segment:
Match: Good O Boy VS X Bomb
Another match without any build up, a reader would be bored at this time, and quit.

Fourteenth and Fifteenth segments:
In Ring action: Dion calls out gangsta G and gangsta Assaults Dion after match
(as those two are about the same two wrestlers, I will talk about them together)
The first RP is about a pre match action, but if you continue reading, there is no match, but an aftermatch instantly.  These two RP were the ones I was talking previously in the sixth segment, so that match would be placed here, in between these two RPs.

Sixteenth segment:
In Ring action: Unknown Wrestler is Revealed part 1
"Storms goes in the back and goes to the lockerroom to wait for his match when he bumps into the unknown wrestler" and Storm had a match way before, the fourth match of the night.

Seventeenth segment:
Locker room action: Arale & CandyRain Untitled

Arale: Well don't you have a match tonight.

Candyrain:Yeah.

Arale: Don't you think you should go prepair?

Candyrain: Not really.

This RP should be placed before Candy's match and after Arale arriving, in any part of the card, but not this one.

Eighteenth segment:
Match: Unknown Man Vs Arale
Well, the Unknown man can be read as being Arnold in the match script.  It could be edited so the name wouldn't be easily got.

Nineteenth segment:
In Ring action: Unknown Wrestler is Revealed part 2
Still the commentators are talking about the previous match, we didn't know if there were a commercial break or something, but we see that Storm appeared walking down the ramp and "calling out" the Unknown Wrestler (Who was the one in the previous match), and he "comes out" (from where?).  And there are more questions about this RP, when did Storm get the mask if the previous match of the Unknown Wrestler was before this segment?  


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And now on the matches:
I know is hard when you don't have yet a graphic guy to make ID cards for the roster.  But you can edit the matches so the head and the exp results at the bottom doesn't appear.  Also you can put some comments from the commentators to add flavor to any match and possibly new storylines.

On the show:
I will put a guideline on how to create a RP post in the feud and storyline subforum.  But in general, there should be commercial breaks, more backstage, locker room, street, parking lot, a restaurant, any place that your imagination can be, so the show is not only in the ring making matches.  You can also reduce the amount of matches of a show, and make more RPs (that include you 'member of the roster')

This is just a constructive criticism to have a better show every week, and to attract more readers every show.

See you guys, as I have to rewrite entirely my next week RP due to a 'unexpected' debut of Alvin Corleone.

[Travis Touchdown]

Awesome job. Really like what you did and can only agree on each point. I was told that I was going to face dirt so I made an RP accordingly. Bad rp placement as if they were put randomly. Needs much more work and vgms.